Monday, November 22, 2004

say hello to my jolly svengali

my mom is mean. i don't mean that in a training bra teen anguish i just got my period way. i mean that in a i'm back to wearing my training bra, because my breasts shrank from being stressed out and grown up way. for those of you that think my brother and i overreact over my mother's capricious tyranny, you are absolutely wrong. she is sick, not just motherly mean, SICK. and today, without detail, i am reconfirming this fact. if you think I am a mean girl, fucking Whoa...because my mom is mean queen, and she's the only one in this world that can tear me down in less than 1/10 a second, and let me clarify that for you one more time: NOT in a motherly tear me down, in a i seriously find my only joy in making you feel like you should commit suicide.

on another note: my brother has joined the blogspot. so please make him feel at home. he is just as juvenile, perverted and quirked out as me, so check him out: the moniker is completely apropos. i'm just mad i didn't think of it first. in addition, i'm so proud of him. he's currently taking foundation drawing classes so that he can meet the prereqs to take the anatomy drawing class. once a week, after work, he draws trees. they are most definitely awesome trees, i kid you not, and don't worry, brother, soon enough you'll be drawing cocks and cooters, and it'll all be worth it. i am also sure you will hellaciously giggle at said weiners just as i did when i was sixteen in my first life drawing studio. this guy is a million times more talented than me with a pen, so it's a shame that he didn't do this sooner. anyway, kudos, jollysvengali, on your motivation to do what you want.

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

puberty (in reverse)

i'm being completely superficial, and i know it, clap my hands (clap clap)

where did my tits go?
seriously. where the fuck did they go?
now when i was in high school, i was so flat that there was really no reason for me to ever wear a bra. in fact, when i did wear one, it was only so that those blonde big tittied bitches wouldn't make fun of me. p.s. nothing looks worse under a shirt than a bra that don't might as well it on the OUTSIDE of your shirt. (now i rarely wear a bra by choice).
not only did i have a washboard bosom, one was a lot rounder than the other. i would think out loud, "hey, God. it's jen. where the fuck are my tits? now i can deal with no tits, but uneven ones? thy wrath on puberty hath no mercy."
so i hit what i call my REAL puberty about three years ago. I finally got some fairly legitimate sweatermeat. but something's happened over the past six months. I have noticed a gradual shrinkage. My bisexual friend no longer likes to play with funbags. My other bisexual friend now only makes comments to her friends like, "she's got the most perfect nipples"...Oh God. I'm down to nipple noteriety. I am wearing PADDED BRAS. High school insecurities are writhing through my skin. Someone give me a breast transfusion. Stat.

Thursday, November 04, 2004


this christmas, i want something womblike. and wrap me in it. and don't let me go. just leave me there and let me just hibernate in it for a year or so. maybe a cashmere cocoon, or a million silkworms to weave around me. something like that.
i am on this search now...pirate style, for my protective state. must. find. chrysalis. for. reincarnation. did i ever write how much i hate carnations? they are seriously the worst flower ever. no carnations.
i watched a scary movie and i was fine. my doro to protect me in the other room. but that bitch left two days ago, and i can't seem to function without. come back, mei, i had an amazing 2 week rendez-vous with you, and i realized even more how much i love you. i miss: tucking you in, matching our clothes, being painfully cute and plastic, shopping to no end, the disastrous carrot cake, the FUCKING AMAZING PIRATE COSTUMES, your "i'm sorry's," the what if game, making my project and necklaces, laughing, skipping, and feeling okay. thanks for coming, dear. come back soon.
mockshrine, i need your breasts. my hands are itching. i am in deep need of mammary boxing.