Tuesday, December 07, 2004

mid-pout

it's like this. and pretty much every day.
i wake up, work on some drawings or something, eat some crap that's really bad for me, entirely, simultaneously watch some trash on tv, listen to the music of my moment, spontaneously dance, work, belt out some whitney, work, shower and then i go to bed. and i rarely fall asleep right away, unless i'm ass tired, because i'm thinking of about a million different things. i lay there, tears welling in my eyes for no clear reason, except that i feel a constant discontent, not with what i have, i'm perceptive enough to know what i have...it's a lot. so, must be what i am.
i'm not how my b list friends think. i'm not laid back and free in mind as a bird. i'm not free spirited. i'm a nutcase. i'm a beastly animal chewing the insides of a lanky frame. there's nothing free about me, in fact i'm completely crowded, there's not a lot of room for anyone else to stop by here...i'm always mid-pout. rarely a full, atleast in public, because there's nothing i hate more than a pouter.
but lately...i find myself verging the fullness of one. alone, but being suffocated from the inside...i need to do something. big. and quick.