Tuesday, December 07, 2004

mid-pout

it's like this. and pretty much every day.
i wake up, work on some drawings or something, eat some crap that's really bad for me, entirely, simultaneously watch some trash on tv, listen to the music of my moment, spontaneously dance, work, belt out some whitney, work, shower and then i go to bed. and i rarely fall asleep right away, unless i'm ass tired, because i'm thinking of about a million different things. i lay there, tears welling in my eyes for no clear reason, except that i feel a constant discontent, not with what i have, i'm perceptive enough to know what i have...it's a lot. so, must be what i am.
i'm not how my b list friends think. i'm not laid back and free in mind as a bird. i'm not free spirited. i'm a nutcase. i'm a beastly animal chewing the insides of a lanky frame. there's nothing free about me, in fact i'm completely crowded, there's not a lot of room for anyone else to stop by here...i'm always mid-pout. rarely a full, atleast in public, because there's nothing i hate more than a pouter.
but lately...i find myself verging the fullness of one. alone, but being suffocated from the inside...i need to do something. big. and quick.

3 Comments:

Blogger marv said...

the voice of someone struggling to balance forces, and failing. a familiar voice to me and most, in differing degrees. so pout away (judgement-free) and contemplate your innerworkings, bc even those you admire have all been beaten by disappointment and pretended their eyes weren't burning. but they remain your heroes nonetheless, not bc of trophy-stacked bookshelves, but just for who they are.

December 9, 2004 at 9:09 AM  
Blogger jolly svengali said...

the greatest blessing that can bestowed is that moment of epiphany whereby you realize your reason for being, enabling you to experience emotional liberation, free and unbound by any and all parameters. when you get there, let me know, cause i sure can't find it.

December 10, 2004 at 1:46 PM  
Blogger jolly svengali said...

the greatest blessing that can bestowed is that moment of epiphany whereby you realize your reason for being, enabling you to experience emotional liberation, free and unbound by any and all parameters. when you get there, let me know, cause i sure can't find it.

December 10, 2004 at 1:47 PM  

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