Monday, January 17, 2005

i'm looking for a girl...

i don't think i have ever met anyone like myself. and it's not that this is a good thing or a bad, but i'm wondering where the me's are, and why i can't find them. i am looking for a girl who has at some point in her life stuffed her bra even when she slept and managed to successfully stuff her one piece swimsuit, too. this involved the sewing-ons of snaps. i'm looking for a girl who had braces for six years, which was preceded by 2 years of a built in retainer which had to be rotated nightly by her mother. where is the girl who pissed her pants at her piano teacher's house when she was thirteen because she didn't want to ask for permission to do so? i'm looking for a girl who smelled things used by boys she liked, like towels or even a bottle of eye drops that she couldn't open for herself. And she still has that bottle. I'm looking for a girl who spent the rest of the night of her first kiss re-enacting that moment with her pillow with glee. Even though that boy had been nothing to smile about. Now where the fuck is she...

Thursday, January 13, 2005

we're plastic...we don't know any better.

Doro said...(MY REBUTTAL TO REBUTTAL IN CAPS)
rebuttal:

1. don't pretend like I haven't seen your little murakami jewelery box that fatty bought you in china.(NOT FAIR...not sure why...BUT NOT FAIR. I FEEL LIKE IF A CHINESE MIGRANT WORKER BUYS A PRODUCT FROM ANOTHER CHINESE MIGRANT WORKER, THAT'S JUST AN ACT OF LIFE).

2. irule@jenkao.com (HEY. READ THE FINE PRINT...I SAID UNJUSTIFIED...I AM WELL JUSTIFIED, MY FRIEND).

3. okay, you're not white, but you've got more migrant workers than any white person i know. (shamefully present company included-thanks for putting on jem to make the labor go by quicker though) (I PAY YOU WITH MY CHARM AND WIT...INCLUDING GAMES OF WOULD YOU RATHER...AND WOULD YOU...IF???)

4. that's right. you just throw popcorn in the air. (THAT A)COULD NOT BE HELPED. B)IS CUTE AND CHARMING).

5. you still eat yoshinoya, (6.) you hater.(HAVE RESISTED EATING YOSHINOYA UNLESS IT IS AN ABSOLUTE MUST. ANSWER TO 6: BITCH.)

7. red flying monkeys rule. (can you not buy something like that made from real fur. and can it not be prada as well?)(JEALOUSY, RIGHT THERE)

8. good point.(INDEED)

9. nothing like steaming uti piss during a snowy day in public.(YESSSSSS...UTI PISS...ALSO NOT FAIR...CANNOT CONTROL PISS WHEN UTI IS IN CHARGE OF BODY)

10. can you not going around touching people's crotches now that you've announced that fact to the world? (MY BUTT RULES...YOU SHOULD BE SO LUCKY TO HAVE MY RESIDUAL DIARRHEA ON YOUR CROTCH).

email me, bi-otch!(IN THE PROCESS...)

Tuesday, January 11, 2005

i'm snarky, apparently...

i think that's a good word for me. i'm easily snarky, but rightfully so. don't you think there's too many bitches and pissants out there? man, i am so snarky these days. thank you, doro...i love this nomer...miss snarky. (and i don't believe you that you just happen to have this word in your vocabulary...you definitely looked it up to snark me).
Top Ten List of things that Snark Me.
1. Fake anything, mostly handbags. Hey bitches, little kids make those things in the world's worst sweat shops and then crimelords make money off of them and do really bad things. P.S. I really hate bitches that are like, "OMG, I would NEVER spend that much money on a pair of jeans or a bag!!!"...loser. You would, however, let ten little Chinese kids build your crappy ass Phrada and Guchi bags in a cramped assembly line and sleep on a cement floor after they've had half a riceball for dinner.
2. Unjustified ego
3. Snobby white people (usually suburban mommanites or old money grannies and grampies) who don't say Thank You when you go out of your way to open/hold the door for them, because they think that's how it should be: Little chinkboys and chinkgirls as migrant workers and door servants.
4. Those people in the movie theaters who talk on their cell phones with an outdoor voice or add their own commentary. You know...THOSE people.
5. Fast food chains in big cities ruined differently by each minority.
6. When people call me a hater when I'm not even hating. I am hating most of the time,though.
7. Extremist Anti-fur losers like Pamela Anderson and their loser Vegan Mentality.
8. High School fanatics. Siss Boom Bah.
9. The crude and rude behavior of elder male fobs. "You can pick your nose, and eat it, too." And people who piss on the floor as if the bowl weren't even there.
10. When I wipe my ass to hard after diarrhea, and it itches all day.